Is Modest Hottest?

RosalieContrite
August 10, 2017

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Let me go ahead and spoiler alert, here. Whether modest is hottest is not something about which I’m actually going to debate. Whatever the hell I want to wear, be it “modest,” whatever that means as per your culture and chronology, or not, is not subject to a ratings system by a bunch of pharisaical, undisciplined, self-righteous men. I don’t care if you think modest is hottest. I do not want you to “guard my purity,” a thinly veiled attempt to shame me for looking like a woman in public. I don’t want to be hott or not hott in your eyes.

I am a human person with innate dignity, worthy of respect, a value which goes is far deeper beyond the superficial judgement of my clothing.

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The whole concept of modesty seems it cannot be separated from pleasing the eyes of men. This is so perverted with which to begin. You have heard it said “leave a little to the imagination.” Why? So I can titilate you with my purity and mystery? I am not a pleasure item to be consumed by men. I do not exist to serve aesthetic pleasure. I am not dressing with placating men or others in mind. I am dressing with MY dignity in mind, my self respect which IS charity toward others.

Can we not see that these slogans #ModestIsHottest and #LeaveALittleToTheImagination are both reinforcing the erroneous idea, that women exist to please the eye of men? That’s all this modest or not is about right now. It’s certainly not about helping men avoid lust. If it were, would Modest Is Hottest even make sense?

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You’re telling me that you are advocating a type or standard of clothing that is “hottest,” a colloquialism for sexy or wildly attractive? How is that at all focused on preserving a woman’s dignity? How is that about charity toward men, if the very act of modesty is apparently making women even more irresistable, more easily objectified?

As per usual, the women blaming and shaming debate on clothing and modesty has little to do with virtue, chastity, or dignity, and it has everything to do with lording over, controlling, and subjugating women. Where are the admonisions imploring upright men to discipline their own gaze and minds or to avoid pools if that is their cross? No where. It’s not about chastity. It’s about shouldering women with the lion’s share of the guilt and shaming them into accepting it. Deep down, it must also be about avoiding being truthful to themselves. If they focus on it being someone else’s fault, they do not have to indict themselves, they are not at fault.

Will I be dressing modestly? I will be dressing to reveal my dignity and my value as a human being. Will I leave anything to the imagination? Only someone who looks upon me as an object would allocate me as visually mysterious or not. I do not dress for these disgusting and perverted men. I dress for me, for my dignity, as an example for my daughters, and knowing that I am equal to men (See the Catechism), in intellect and value.

What will I wear? Whatever the *#$% I damn well please, and if it doesn’t trip your trigger, I will be one happy woman.

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The silence that is ruining our marriages

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Everyone has seen the stereotypical, Hollywood romance movie, complete with foot sweeping, grand gestures, and wildly passionate, physical attraction. For the most part, every married couple will have their own breathtakingly romantic moments, but there is another side which we don’t address publicly. We don’t see it in the movies either, and we go to heroic lengths to hide it from even our closest family and friends.

I will break this damaging silence, today. It is already hard enough out there, without trying to pretend we have a perma-pinterest ready, instagrammable fable. Maybe, I will be the only one, but I’m going to be honest about my real marriage for the sake of others, because that is what is at stake. People are deciding to end their marriages because they aren’t experiencing a fairy tale.

I cannot be even partially, responsible for that. This is the truth about my marriage. I love my husband. I’m crazy about him. He’s my knight in shining armor, and I’m his fair maiden, but you know what? It’s not always like that, and that is OK.

Some days I questions my judgement in marrying my husband. I am sure he wonders what he was thinking sometimes, too. You aren’t going to like the person you are married to sunup to sundown. It’s normal. Can you imagine liking anyone 100% of the time? It’s not just unlikely. It’s impossible…unless it is Betty White, a woman universally believed to be beyond reproach.

Warm fuzzy feelings aren’t what keeps you together for 50 years. Choice is what keeps you together, the choice to love one another until death. You can’t rely on feelings to determine your commitment to your marriage.

Sometimes every single word my husband says makes my skin crawl. Sometimes, my obsessive need to overanalyze and control makes him throw his arms up and walk into another room. You know what? That’s normal! It’s OK to become irritated. It is not a sign of impending doom. It is a sign of an authentic relationship between two complex, sentient beings.

We went to counseling once to iron-out a longstanding issue in our marriage. This should be normal. People wait too long to go to counseling. They go to counseling when they already have one foot out of the door because they didn’t want to admit defeat. Don’t wait, if you need help. It isn’t admitting your marriage is failing. It’s admitting it needs an expertise that you did not receive years of education receiving.

My husband forgets big dates and events because he isn’t a character in a romance novel, and I don’t answer the door holding beer and wearing furry lingerie because I am not a fabricated woman. We are real. Our marriage is real. It’s messy. Sometimes, he comes home to what appears to be a clothed wildbeast, with dry shampoo in her coat. Bless his heart for not turning around and running for the hills.

Be honest with yourselves and others, about your marriage. We all have this side that we are struggling to conceal from others. Why are we doing this? We already know that real marriage isn’t a fairy tale. Marriage, like all things worth having, is hard work, struggle, sweat, and tears.

Fight for your marriage. Help others fight for their marriages by being honest about yours. Normalize normal marriage. #realmarriage
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How God is helping me to lose weight

RosalieContrite
July 30, 2016
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^ The video version for lazy readers.

I know what you’re thinking. “Why would God be needed to lose weight? Why would I pray about something so vain?” The fallacy is that losing weight is vain. It is a moral and truly justifiable self-care. I will outline for you briefly how God and my faith is and has helped me to lose weight. There are three main motivations.

  1. My body is a gift from God:
    Just as I must tend to and nourish my soul by attending mass and reading the Bible or other orthodox literary source, I must nourish my body. The ability to be healthy is a gift – one not everyone has been afforded. It is not respecting the gift God gave me, if I’m willfully allowing myself to become overweight or to develop hypertension or hyperlipidemia. Much of these conditions are within my control. I can do a lot to keep them in check.
    I must care for my soul, but not only my soul. My family, children, friends, and co-workers depend on me, and I am not being good steward of my blessings, if I do nothing to care for my health and well-being. Allowing myself to become ill will result in sick days at work, children without a caretaker, and medical bills. I cannot control all of this, but I can control a lot of it. I realized I needed to do the moral thing and help my family and myself when I could. A sound body, often has a sound mind. As my physical body improves, so does my spiritual state.
  2. My body is my gift to my spouse
    In the marital embrace, we make a very real gift of ourselves to our spouse. Our body is the actual, total gift we give to our spouse. What was I saying by giving my spouse a poorly cared for, willfully overweight, and unhealthy body? It seemed insulting to my husband, the more I pondered it. This goes both ways, not just for women. This is not to say that I need to be vain and obsessed with my weight and appearance, but that I want to care for the body God gave me and use this body to be a gift to my spouse. Bottom line: I decided I wanted to give him a good gift – one he’d be excited to receive!
  3. Extra food is food taken from those who have not
    This point will no doubt be hard for some to read, but I do not mean to indict you! I am overweight right now, as I type this, though, working toward not. Here is the premise: to maintain an overweight body, one must continue to over-nourish to one’s detriment, or you will lose weight. Weight must be maintained by steady caloric intake or our body uses it’s own stores, muscle or fat. I realized that the food I was taking in was being taken from someone who had no food. We produce enough food each year for 12 billion people. Why are there people starving, then? Some have too much, some not enough, and some is fed to livestock. I was taking what wasn’t mine and using it to hurt myself by becoming overweight. This was a hard pill to swallow, but now that I have, I can more readily accept and follow portion control. I have also begun cooking more for myself as pre-made foods are widely unhealthy.
    I am using the extra in my food budget to give to a local food bank or soup kitchen to further remind myself of the fact that the extra food I consumed was truly being taken from those who needed it. 


Aside from those three motivations, I also recommend asking for the intercession of the Angelic Doctor, Thomas Aquinas. History records him as being a pleasantly plump fellow. Surely, he can understand the plight of the overweight!
#EatPrayLose
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This Catholic Life #12: Special Guest, Haley Stewart

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ThisCatholicLife

I was blessed to have Haley Stewart of Carrots for Michaelmas, on this episode. We talk about her life, liturgical living, tattoos, and being the person you are meant to be. The books mentioned in the show are available on her website. Recording was a blast, and I hope to have her on again, someday!

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If the Biblical characters had Twitter…

For me, there is no better way than humor, to learn and share the faith. I give you my favorite imagined tweets from the Bible characters. Check the time stamps and handles, especially! I tried my very best. Look for more Bible Tweets, in the future! Be sure to share and subscribe so you don’t miss them!

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Bible Tweets by Rosalie Contrite

AdamsWifey NoahsBae Sampson KingDavid 3bros KingHerodTweetJoesWifey WaterWizardMoneyMatt JesusTweet

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