Is Modest Hottest?

August 10, 2017


Let me go ahead and spoiler alert, here. Whether modest is hottest is not something about which I’m actually going to debate. Whatever the hell I want to wear, be it “modest,” whatever that means as per your culture and chronology, or not, is not subject to a ratings system by a bunch of pharisaical, undisciplined, self-righteous men. I don’t care if you think modest is hottest. I do not want you to “guard my purity,” a thinly veiled attempt to shame me for looking like a woman in public. I don’t want to be hott or not hott in your eyes.

I am a human person with innate dignity, worthy of respect, a value which goes is far deeper beyond the superficial judgement of my clothing.


The whole concept of modesty seems it cannot be separated from pleasing the eyes of men. This is so perverted with which to begin. You have heard it said “leave a little to the imagination.” Why? So I can titilate you with my purity and mystery? I am not a pleasure item to be consumed by men. I do not exist to serve aesthetic pleasure. I am not dressing with placating men or others in mind. I am dressing with MY dignity in mind, my self respect which IS charity toward others.

Can we not see that these slogans #ModestIsHottest and #LeaveALittleToTheImagination are both reinforcing the erroneous idea, that women exist to please the eye of men? That’s all this modest or not is about right now. It’s certainly not about helping men avoid lust. If it were, would Modest Is Hottest even make sense?


You’re telling me that you are advocating a type or standard of clothing that is “hottest,” a colloquialism for sexy or wildly attractive? How is that at all focused on preserving a woman’s dignity? How is that about charity toward men, if the very act of modesty is apparently making women even more irresistable, more easily objectified?

As per usual, the women blaming and shaming debate on clothing and modesty has little to do with virtue, chastity, or dignity, and it has everything to do with lording over, controlling, and subjugating women. Where are the admonisions imploring upright men to discipline their own gaze and minds or to avoid pools if that is their cross? No where. It’s not about chastity. It’s about shouldering women with the lion’s share of the guilt and shaming them into accepting it. Deep down, it must also be about avoiding being truthful to themselves. If they focus on it being someone else’s fault, they do not have to indict themselves, they are not at fault.

Will I be dressing modestly? I will be dressing to reveal my dignity and my value as a human being. Will I leave anything to the imagination? Only someone who looks upon me as an object would allocate me as visually mysterious or not. I do not dress for these disgusting and perverted men. I dress for me, for my dignity, as an example for my daughters, and knowing that I am equal to men (See the Catechism), in intellect and value.

What will I wear? Whatever the *#$% I damn well please, and if it doesn’t trip your trigger, I will be one happy woman.


This Catholic Life #6: Let’s talk about sex, baby! (NFP)



Show Notes:

You can find Dr Janet E Smith and many of her published works here :

Find a free copy of Humanae Vitae.

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Find more information on NFP, including the Marquette method:

Always feel free to contact me at!

Why I have the perfect marriage



I can proudly proclaim, “I have the perfect marriage”.

Now, before you scoff or even, ask me what the secret is, let me tell you what makes my marriage perfect. Peace, harmony, and fun, are not parts of the reason my marriage is perfect, and I assure you that you, too, possess everything I possess, in mine.

My marriage is perfect almost exclusively because we are a man and a woman who honestly and willingly promised to love each other for the rest of our lives, whatever it takes.

That is all it takes to have a perfect marriage. Know you are married and that it is forever. That’s it. Keeping that fact in your mind dramatically alters the way you behave, when compared to the person who thinks marriage can be ended.

You probably think I’m over simplifying it, but I’m not.

Both, my husband and I have days where we would rather be single and living alone, but our marriage is perfect because we remember that we aren’t single.

We both want to say mean things and pick on each others weak spots when we are angry, but our marriage is perfect because we hold back.

When we fail at holding back, our marriage is perfect because we both are willing to forgive. I know, forgiveness is much, much easier to suggest than to do, but I promise, whatever you need to forgive your spouse, how much more have you asked Christ to forgive you?

My marriage is perfect because we know our lines. “What? Marriage is not an act!” you say. It’s not an act, but like any role in life, it has expectations. There are days when we don’t want to say “I love you” or “how was your day?” but our marriage is perfect, because we do it anyway.

We both have times where we cannot stand to be near the other, but our marriage is perfect because we don’t indulge these useless thoughts. We cast it away, because this thought isn’t part of the promise of forever.

Lastly, we both have things we think the other person could change, but our marriage is perfect because we work on ourselves instead of the other person. We know the only person you can change is yourself and that in changing yourself, you change others.

The perfect marriage sounds a bit grueling and tiresome, doesn’t it? Anything worth having takes a lot of work. Anyone can throw in the towel, but not everyone has the strength and caliber of character, to recall a promise made, and live by that promise.

Pax Vobiscum,



Dear Husband on our Wedding Anniversary 

March 19, 2016

In the excitement and the emotion of our wedding day, I thought I knew everything that it meant to say that I love you. In my naivete, I thought I knew that I could not love a man more.

I looked at you, wanting to spend my entire life with you, but even then, I had yet to understand authentic love.

On that day, I would have sworn that I would lay down my life for you, that I could not desire to give more of myself. That was true.

Still, on that day, the fullest expression of my love was not realized. For my own sake, I wish to recount the kind of love I have realized for you. I would still lay down my life for you, but to say this, is easy. As they say, ‘Talk is cheap’. Now, I understand that the character of real love is enduring, rather than exciting.

It is not an emotion, and it is not a feeling. Love is choosing to bear all that another person is in the face of adversity and flaws, and doing it with joy.

When inevitable minor or major troubles come to our marriage, I want to face the rocky terrain with you because life could only be worse without you.

I want to offer you my whole self in a love so tangible that it becomes physical realities that require names. As time goes, I can only offer you a much older, less attractive and desirable me, but I will always give you everything that I am.

When the craze and the excitement of young love recedes, I just want to hold your hand and rest my head on your chest, while we fall asleep.

I want to bring you a kind of lifelong happiness which will slowly become embodied in the laugh lines behind your beautiful, dark eyes.

I want to lock arms with you while we walk, as I assure you that you are every bit as handsome as the day we met because, to me, you are.

I want to watch your beautiful black curls fade into silver, as the years behind us become greater than the years before us.

If our knees, no longer spry, hurt too much to do all the things we once did, I want to sit with you and keep you company, because there is no where else I would rather be.

And, if one day, your mind fails you, I hope you will still recognize my unwavering and steadfast love, even if you cannot recognize my face, because I will still be there giving you everything that I am, and accepting everything that is you.

Happy Anniversary, my love.


The Prayer that changed my Marriage


My husband and I have always bickered. We would sometimes go to bed angry. We would pick silly battles and sometimes shout. Nothing was strikingly wrong in our marriage, but it was also not picture perfect – until we found this prayer.

The game changer, for us, came when I hung a piece of artwork over our bed. It was nothing special, but it had a scripture passage embroidered on it – one many know by heart (1 Cor 13). I had never spent much time on it, because it is repeated everywhere from weddings to shirts to books. It turns out, there is a reason it is repeated everywhere, and that is because it is powerful!

The piece that hangs over our bed.

One night, after many spent laying beneath this piece, I said to my husband, “Let’s say this verse to each other before we go to bed, at night; it’s there anyway.” He nodded and agreed. I reached out and grabbed his hand and looked him in his soft brown eyes, as I repeated the words. I thought of the words as they passed through my lips. “It keeps no record of wrongs.”  If I wanted to love and to be loved, I couldn’t keep a record. I had to let it go. I closed my eyes and made that secret eye roll we all make when we know we have to swallow that pill of pride, and let it go. I couldn’t be proud.

I had to admit that for all I had to forgive my husband, I needed Christ to forgive me even more. I could see the great gift in having to forgive difficult trespasses. When we do it, we can more fully appreciate the goodness and abundant love of God. Amazing!

We have continued to take turns reading this passage to one another, each night, and we always experience a softening of our hearts, exchanging smiles and holding hands. The more we say it, the more it comes to our minds during the day as we have conversations or disagree. I cannot recommend this practice highly enough. It has changed our marriage so dramatically.

Pax Vobiscum,