It’s OK if you can’t homeschool

RosalieContrite
August 29, 2017

Please be kind, and assume the best of my words. I fiercely love and care for both of my children with all of my being.

When my husband and I married, we met a vibrant and wonderful homeschool group and that has always been what we wanted for our family. I feared I wasn’t cut out for it, but we declared our plan early on in our marriage. That made my admittance that it might not be what was best for us even harder. It stunk of failure, of a lack of self-discipline. I thought, “if only I pray harder and bear my crosses better, then I will be able to do this.”

I struggled so much with what is right to do for our family and the decision of whether or not to send my five year old to a Catholic School this year over homeschool for a plethora of reasons: my health isn’t great right now, I want to get my masters, I don’t seem to be offering her enough mental engagement to keep her happy, and my two year old was really struggling. I felt like a chump who couldn’t handle being a full-throttle catholic, like I was a lesser mom. Maybe I am. *shrugs*

img_5906-1

School started last Wednesday, and ALREADY the special one-on-one time with my two year old is paying off in dividends. She was very prone to screaming and having outbursts under stress, which are normal for her age, though her older sister never had them. I chalked it all up to differences in personality and temperment. YES, I know kids are not all the same in one family. I assumed she simply had a shorter fuse. I was wrong.

Already, she has calmed down, talks more, and handles things better. Maybe its a coincidence, but I suspect that the special time together is the reason for the change. Just minutes ago, I laid her down for a nap and she blew me a kiss as I walked out the door, just as her older sister did when she was little.

 I feel so guilty that she may have felt unheard, even though we have well-spaced kids. I am even more heavily considering how soon the two year old would be ready to be de-throned as the baby. She needs this time and I won’t be talked out of giving her what she needs because people feel she’ll “be fine” or “she’ll live,” nor will I give her the short end of the stick because I simply want another baby. It won’t be popular for me to have said this, but it is the truth. Yes, we are always open to life, we follow the faith 100%, but we are also capable of planning and exercising self control, as un-fun as that may be.

Catholics are literally always thinking about when the next baby should come; it’s our hobby. (Someone would make a killing on a dice with TTA/TTC/TTW/Take a chance on it.) My oldest was three when the baby was born, and she was ready to be a big sister! She was so excited. I want that for my current baby.

13566928_938948882895101_6093118147617421069_n

My mental health is so much better now, not that I was on the verge of a mental break. I just always felt like I wasn’t doing a very good job, even when others assured me I was. I constantly felt like I was going to cry any moment because I couldn’t manage all the tasks I needed to be managing with my sweet kindergartener underfoot. I don’t feel mentally out of breath. My oldest comes home tired, happy, and simply wanting to snuggle or talk about her day. She’s had her mind engaged, prayed, played with friends and I am much more patient and relaxed having gotten my day’s work finished. She and her sister are not jealous of each other now, but excited to see one another because they did not spend all day competing for attention.

I feel so right about this choice for our family right now, and want to tell other homeschool mommies, homeschool is wonderful and a gift but it’s OK if you can’t do it. It’s OK if it doesn’t work for your family. Don’t force something because of what others think or because you’re afraid of the effect of the world on your children. Both options are OK, and what is right for one kid may not be for another. I know that now. We may return to homeschool again one day if it is what’s best for our family, but rather than focusing on raising them a certain way, I will only be looking to do what is best whatever that may be.

It still bothers me that I can’t be the graceful, homeschool mother of nine that I envisioned before kids and marriage, but I think it’s a lesson from God. Even the image that LOOKS holy to you, that might not be where he’s calling you. You have to pay attention more and talk less.

13690809_949065635216759_6623710608766788454_n

R O S A L I E    C O N T R I T E
cropped-img_0278-e1460062106193.jpg

Is Modest Hottest?

RosalieContrite
August 10, 2017

tumblr_mro0c55HK01sfg514o2_1280

Let me go ahead and spoiler alert, here. Whether modest is hottest is not something about which I’m actually going to debate. Whatever the hell I want to wear, be it “modest,” whatever that means as per your culture and chronology, or not, is not subject to a ratings system by a bunch of pharisaical, undisciplined, self-righteous men. I don’t care if you think modest is hottest. I do not want you to “guard my purity,” a thinly veiled attempt to shame me for looking like a woman in public. I don’t want to be hott or not hott in your eyes.

I am a human person with innate dignity, worthy of respect, a value which goes is far deeper beyond the superficial judgement of my clothing.

img_0168-1

The whole concept of modesty seems it cannot be separated from pleasing the eyes of men. This is so perverted with which to begin. You have heard it said “leave a little to the imagination.” Why? So I can titilate you with my purity and mystery? I am not a pleasure item to be consumed by men. I do not exist to serve aesthetic pleasure. I am not dressing with placating men or others in mind. I am dressing with MY dignity in mind, my self respect which IS charity toward others.

Can we not see that these slogans #ModestIsHottest and #LeaveALittleToTheImagination are both reinforcing the erroneous idea, that women exist to please the eye of men? That’s all this modest or not is about right now. It’s certainly not about helping men avoid lust. If it were, would Modest Is Hottest even make sense?

FullSizeRender.jpg

You’re telling me that you are advocating a type or standard of clothing that is “hottest,” a colloquialism for sexy or wildly attractive? How is that at all focused on preserving a woman’s dignity? How is that about charity toward men, if the very act of modesty is apparently making women even more irresistable, more easily objectified?

As per usual, the women blaming and shaming debate on clothing and modesty has little to do with virtue, chastity, or dignity, and it has everything to do with lording over, controlling, and subjugating women. Where are the admonisions imploring upright men to discipline their own gaze and minds or to avoid pools if that is their cross? No where. It’s not about chastity. It’s about shouldering women with the lion’s share of the guilt and shaming them into accepting it. Deep down, it must also be about avoiding being truthful to themselves. If they focus on it being someone else’s fault, they do not have to indict themselves, they are not at fault.

Will I be dressing modestly? I will be dressing to reveal my dignity and my value as a human being. Will I leave anything to the imagination? Only someone who looks upon me as an object would allocate me as visually mysterious or not. I do not dress for these disgusting and perverted men. I dress for me, for my dignity, as an example for my daughters, and knowing that I am equal to men (See the Catechism), in intellect and value.

What will I wear? Whatever the *#$% I damn well please, and if it doesn’t trip your trigger, I will be one happy woman.

img_0278

Are you condemning evil or contributing to it?

img_0530


We MUST speak out against clear evil. We always must, even if it upsets people and even when no one wants to hear it; however, we must resist another related evil.
We must resist the evil that is seeing ourselves as holy and upright because we boldly and bravely condemn evil.

We must not fall prey to the temptation to be cruel and malign other sinners simply because we are not guilty of the sin they commit. We must not give in to the temptation to purposefully be offensive because we believe anti-political correctness a virtue. Rudeness is not of God. His followers are meek and kind, full of grace.

Do not accept the truth in such a way that it allows Satan to sit between your heart and the truth, distorting the message turning you bitter, hateful, and arrogant. Satan doesn’t fear you having the truth. He fears you disseminating it with charity and compassion, for who would be turned from that truth?

Yes, we must have compassion. Compassion is not “being nice” or “not being offensive” but to suffer with someone. It is co-suffering. You cannot suffer with someone whom you do not know or with whom you have not spent any time. You cannot co-suffer with someone whom you are busy wounding.

The Pharisee did not mistake Jesus for condoning the sin of the sinners with which he spent time, and likewise you to can go out as salt and light preaching a message of truthful love and understanding. No one is converted by prideful grandstanding and vitriolous judgement.

Beat your chest before the chests of other wounded sinners, “mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!”

img_0278

The silence that is ruining our marriages

IMG_0715
Everyone has seen the stereotypical, Hollywood romance movie, complete with foot sweeping, grand gestures, and wildly passionate, physical attraction. For the most part, every married couple will have their own breathtakingly romantic moments, but there is another side which we don’t address publicly. We don’t see it in the movies either, and we go to heroic lengths to hide it from even our closest family and friends.

I will break this damaging silence, today. It is already hard enough out there, without trying to pretend we have a perma-pinterest ready, instagrammable fable. Maybe, I will be the only one, but I’m going to be honest about my real marriage for the sake of others, because that is what is at stake. People are deciding to end their marriages because they aren’t experiencing a fairy tale.

I cannot be even partially, responsible for that. This is the truth about my marriage. I love my husband. I’m crazy about him. He’s my knight in shining armor, and I’m his fair maiden, but you know what? It’s not always like that, and that is OK.

Some days I questions my judgement in marrying my husband. I am sure he wonders what he was thinking sometimes, too. You aren’t going to like the person you are married to sunup to sundown. It’s normal. Can you imagine liking anyone 100% of the time? It’s not just unlikely. It’s impossible…unless it is Betty White, a woman universally believed to be beyond reproach.

Warm fuzzy feelings aren’t what keeps you together for 50 years. Choice is what keeps you together, the choice to love one another until death. You can’t rely on feelings to determine your commitment to your marriage.

Sometimes every single word my husband says makes my skin crawl. Sometimes, my obsessive need to overanalyze and control makes him throw his arms up and walk into another room. You know what? That’s normal! It’s OK to become irritated. It is not a sign of impending doom. It is a sign of an authentic relationship between two complex, sentient beings.

We went to counseling once to iron-out a longstanding issue in our marriage. This should be normal. People wait too long to go to counseling. They go to counseling when they already have one foot out of the door because they didn’t want to admit defeat. Don’t wait, if you need help. It isn’t admitting your marriage is failing. It’s admitting it needs an expertise that you did not receive years of education receiving.

My husband forgets big dates and events because he isn’t a character in a romance novel, and I don’t answer the door holding beer and wearing furry lingerie because I am not a fabricated woman. We are real. Our marriage is real. It’s messy. Sometimes, he comes home to what appears to be a clothed wildbeast, with dry shampoo in her coat. Bless his heart for not turning around and running for the hills.

Be honest with yourselves and others, about your marriage. We all have this side that we are struggling to conceal from others. Why are we doing this? We already know that real marriage isn’t a fairy tale. Marriage, like all things worth having, is hard work, struggle, sweat, and tears.

Fight for your marriage. Help others fight for their marriages by being honest about yours. Normalize normal marriage. #realmarriage
img_0278

#15: Special Guest Trent Horn; Favorite Instagrammers

ThisCatholicLife

I list my favorite Instagram accounts, followed by special guest Trent Horn, who talks about how we know the Catholic canon of scripture is correct over the protestant, how Catholic understanding of scripture is different and why it is correct, and common atheistic claims about bible and, of course, why they are not correct. You don’t want to miss!

PleaseLikeShareSubscribeGraphic

img_0278

Save

Save

Save